6 Reasons to Have a child

Lately I have reminded myself why I love being a parent, I thought writing them down would keep them in perspective for me and others.

1) You will never laugh more than when your child is playing
2) Watching your child sleeping next to you like a beautiful doll will melt any heart
3) When you need a hug they are always there staring at you ready with open arms
4) They teach you the patience you need to get through life
5) You have the best reason to live for: Your child needs you and you need them
6) Your house is never quiet but full of laughter and life

So a little Devil's advocate, 6 reasons not to have kids:

1) You will not only come in contact with but have to clean up every known bodily fluid at some point
2) You can't own nice things because milk, paint, crayon and other staining objects are always being used
3) There are nights you will not sleep, have to get up every 2 hours, stay up late, get up at 5am because children get sick, scared or run on their own clock.
4) Spontaneous trips or outings are impossible because the diaper bag, high chair, crib need to be packed and you need to drive home for blankey if it is forgotten
5)Goodbye Prime Time TV: Hello Barney, Blue's Clue's, Pooh Bear and Veggie Tales
6) You do not get to rest in bed and have someone take care of you when you are sick, you need to be making soup for the sick child no matter how you feel

Either way, I think the reasons to have a child are way better than the reasons not to.  I am thankful I get to experience all of these things everyday!

Our path

My daughter Jasmine is different than most children.  There are a lot of people I know who do not know that.  We do not advertise it because we fear people will not understand.  Jasmine was born Hard of Hearing, also known as HOH.  She is just slightly below being deaf.  She has a bilateral congenital hearing loss.  She is considered to have a moderate loss in her right ear and a moderate severe loss in her left.  Her hearing loss is not quite at the point for Cochlear implants but she wears hearing aids.  Jasmine knows sign language (recognizing over 30 signs and using 8 herself).  She was born deaf and as far as we know it is not genetic.  When we found out she was deaf I cried.  I cried because of so many things.  I cried because she may never talk correctly, her hearing could get worse over time, she may never like music or singing.  I cried because the financial burden for us and her for the rest of her life will always have 6,000$ hearing aids as part of the budget.  I cried because school is hard enough without being different.  We have now known she is HOH for over a year now.  I no longer cry and I see such amazing things out of her.  She is different than other children because of her hearing loss but it has also caused her to be amazingly special.  She takes the time to think and understand quicker than children her own age.  She is so smart, knowing the sign language she knows.  She used to hate her hearing aids.  She would throw them and hide them but now she understands them.  She asks to wear them and checks if they are in.  We all have embraced this different path we were put on and its turning out alright.  I just wish other people would understand.  This last week a woman walked up to Jasmine and I to see the cute baby.  She looked at her, stopped and said, "Oh my gosh! She has hearing aids? That's so sad!".  She then stared at us for 20 seconds with pity in her eyes.  I wanted to level that woman. I wanted to teach her some manners!  I have worked hard and will continue to work hard to teach my daughter that her hearing loss is nothing to pity.  Everyone is different and this just makes her different too.  I have worked with special needs children for 3 years now and hated seeing people giving them pity but when it was my own child I wanted to attack.  I can only hope Jasmine learns to deal with those people and realize she can be anything she wants to be.  There are deaf actresses, teachers, athletes and so much more.  They worked harder but they are better for it.  The other thing that drives me crazy with all of this is the people we know, family and friends.  We have gotten so many comments on what to do that I on many occasions had to slow myself down so no one got hurt.  I know people have good intentions but I hate being told how to mother and I hate even more being told how to deal with hearing loss in my own child.  We have had many people tell us the right way when they are not the ones on the front lines.  We have been told hearing aids were a waste of money because prayer will fix her.  We have been told she can just lip read because that's how they used to do it.  We have been told she might grow out of it.  We have been told sign language is a waste of time.  I know the people who say these things have good intentions but from where I am standing I need to do everything to give Jasmine the best life I can with the most intervention if needed.  Can God heal? Yes, but sometimes he lets things happen for a reason.  I know there is a bigger plan here and I just need to trust God knows what is happening.  If he chooses to randomly heal her than great, if not we need to be prepared for her life and give her the things she needs.  In the deaf community lip reading is used but it is used during signing most of the time.  Now a days most people do not just learn to lip read there is so many other ways.  Can she grow out of this? Again who knows but the medical knowledge we have is showing us she will not.  I choose not to walk around with misguided hope.  I just focus on what we know.  And sign language, if it was not for her using her hands for communication we would have no clue what she wanted.  All I know is she is a beautiful little girl who although she has a hearing loss loves to sing, dance, and sometimes slow down to look at a flower.  And that is the best path for us right now.    

"A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I’m a goner"

Its been less than a year now since my Cousin died.  I did not tell many people about it happening because for a long time I could not think about any of it without hurting.  I still have days when thinking of him makes me cry so I have to try that much harder to move on.  My cousin, Paul, was a couple of years older than I am. I was closer to him than most people were.  The last time we ever talked he thanked me for loving him for just being him, not many people did.  My cousin made a lot of mistakes in his life and those mistakes at times hurt, confused and disregarded other people.  He was working on his life slow but sure.  Paul was always mischievous, he was my older cousin who was so cool to me growing up.  Paul died last summer in a car accident.  Both he and the girl driving were drunk and my Cousin died.  I think how he died is what makes this harder on me.  If he would have died from an illness or something else I think it would have been better in my mind.  I just cannot bring myself to forgive him.  He should not have gotten in a car with a drunk driver regardless of his own sobriety.  I feel like his bad choice ripped him out of our lives and its not fair.  I hate thinking ill of the dead and I try to just think of the good times but that bitterness keeps sneaking in.  I know I need to forgive him.  I miss him and it makes my heart ache knowing he left behind my beautiful Godson, Owen.  His son will never know his father, not like I did.  I still have not went to Paul's grave.  I keep making excuses for myself just so I do not need to let those feelings out, but the time has come to release the grip of bitterness on my heart.  I never lost anyone close to me before and losing my Cousin changed the way I look at everything.  I do not want to lose anyone else before their time.  I really love more now, and try harder.  I just wish I could make some of the other loved ones I have understand that we could lose each other in a moment.  To many people that I love and would do anything for fight and carry bitterness.  I wish they could understand that things change and we need to hold onto every second we  have together.  I would give anything to have 5 minutes with Paul.  I can only hope that the ones I love know that I love them and if something would ever happen to me they know they meant everything to me.  I guess it all comes down to, life is to short to hate, fight or hold bitterness in your heart.  Be thankful for what you have and love as much as you can.